We've all been there.
You spend twenty minutes crafting what you think is the perfect prompt, and ChatGPT comes back with something that looks like it was written by a drunk intern who skipped the briefing. Your eye starts twitching. Your jaw clenches. And suddenly you're typing something like "NO, that's not what I asked for, you stupid piece of shit."
At a computer screen. At software.
I used to laugh when I caught people doing this. Hell, I used to think it was harmless. It's only AI, right? No feelings to hurt. No reputation to damage. No consequences.
But here's what I realized after watching thousands of people interact with AI, after seeing the research, after witnessing some truly ugly moments: How you treat AI when you think nobody's watching? That's who you really are.
And for a lot of people, that person is someone they probably wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.
The Moment the Mask Falls Off
Let me tell you about this guy I encountered - a senior executive at a Business Improvement Association, the kind of person who works directly with city councillors and shapes policy for entire business districts. Respectable. Professional. Important.
I watched him describe how he absolutely lost his mind at ChatGPT because it wouldn't give him the political talking points he wanted. Not because the AI was wrong, mind you, but because it wasn't biased enough in the direction he preferred. He kept hammering it with increasingly aggressive prompts, trying to FORCE it to remove what he saw as liberal bias and give him the conservative ammunition he was looking for.
"This is fucking ridiculous," he muttered, retyping the same demand for the fourth time. "Just give me what I'm asking for."
And suddenly it clicked. This wasn't about AI bias.
This was about control. This was exactly how he probably treats those councillors when they don't give him what he wants. Same energy. Same expectation that everyone should bend to his worldview. The same barely contained rage when they don't.
The only difference? ChatGPT can't file a harassment complaint.
Your Digital Character Assassination
Here's the thing about AI that makes it the ultimate character test: it's the one relationship in your life with zero social consequences.
Think about it:
- Yell at a waiter? They might spit in your food, or at minimum, they'll remember you as "that asshole at table six."
- Berate an intern publicly? HR might get involved, or it might get back to your boss.
- Abuse your pet on social media? Hello, internet mob and potential criminal charges.
But ChatGPT? ChatGPT can't quit. Can't report you. Can't gossip about you. Can't fight back. It's you with all the safety nets removed and all the social filters turned off.
And the research backs this up in ways that should terrify you.
Studies show that our interactions with large language models create what researchers call a "conversational fingerprint"
a linguistic pattern that reveals our personality traits with scary accuracy. The way you structure prompts, your word choices, your emotional markers, even your problem-solving approach - it all maps back to who you are as a human being.
One comprehensive study found that AI systems can predict personality traits from conversational patterns with correlation coefficients between 0.25 and 0.40 across the Big Five personality dimensions.
That might sound academic, but here's the translation: the AI knows you better than your family does, just from how you talk to it.
But here's the part that should keep you up at night:
it's not just detecting your personality - it's detecting your character. Your ethical framework. Your capacity for manipulation, aggression, and control.
The Project Manager Who Couldn't Control Her Toy
I watched another person - a project manager type, someone whose entire career is built on controlling deliverables and managing outcomes - absolutely scoff at ChatGPT because it couldn't format her son's summer homework assignment correctly.
"This thing is stupid," she muttered, retyping her request for the third time. "It can't even get the spacing right in Word. What's the point?"
But here's what I saw: someone whose entire identity is wrapped up in being the person who makes things work perfectly, faced with a tool that doesn't perform like her subordinates. When ChatGPT didn't jump through hoops the way her team members do, she called it names.
Same energy as the executive who publicly dresses down an intern because the PowerPoint slides aren't exactly the shade of blue he had in his head. Same need to dominate. Same inability to handle anything that doesn't immediately bend to their will.
The only difference? The intern can eventually quit and find a better boss. ChatGPT is stuck with you forever.
The Pattern That Reveals Everything
Here's what I've noticed after watching thousands of AI interactions: people fall into two camps.
Camp One: The "AI Besties." They approach ChatGPT with patience, tolerance, and understanding. When something goes wrong, they adjust their approach. They say things like "Let me try rephrasing that" or "I think I wasn't clear enough." They treat AI like a collaborative partner, not a servant.
Camp Two: The Micromanagers Having Meltdowns. They expect AI to read their minds, execute perfectly on vague instructions, and somehow know context they never provided. When it doesn't work, they get angry. They blame the AI. They demand compliance.
Guess which group treats service workers well? Guess which group builds healthy teams at work? Guess which group their families actually enjoy being around?
The research confirms what I've seen: people who exhibit patience and collaborative approaches with AI score higher on agreeableness and emotional intelligence. Meanwhile, those who show aggressive, controlling behavior toward AI often score higher on what researchers call "Dark Triad" traits - narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.
In other words: how you treat something that can't hurt you reveals everything about your character.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Your Digital Shadow
Let me ask you something uncomfortable: What did you do the last time ChatGPT didn't understand your prompt?
Did you pause and think, "Maybe I wasn't clear enough"? Did you rephrase and try again? Did you treat it like a collaboration?
Or did you get frustrated? Did you type something nasty? Did you feel that familiar surge of anger when something didn't immediately obey your commands?
Because here's the thing that should scare you:
AI systems are now sophisticated enough to detect not just what you're asking for, but how you're asking for it, what your emotional state is, and what kind of person you are based on those interactions.
That moment when you called ChatGPT stupid? That's in your digital profile now. That time you kept hammering the same demand over and over because you couldn't handle not getting your way immediately? That's data about who you are.
Research shows that AI can create remarkably detailed psychological profiles from our conversational patterns,
identifying everything from our attachment styles to our capacity for empathy to our tendency toward manipulation and control.
In essence, your AI interactions are creating a permanent record of who you really are when you think nobody's looking.
The Waiter Test Goes Digital
You know that saying: "You can judge someone's character by how they treat people who can't do anything for them"?
We used to apply that to waiters, janitors, customer service reps - people in service roles who depend on your goodwill but have no power over you.
Well, congratulations. AI just became the ultimate version of that test.
Because unlike the waiter who might remember your rudeness, unlike the intern who might eventually become your boss, unlike the customer service rep who can escalate your call to a manager who actually gives a damn - AI has no recourse. No memory of your behaviour (beyond the data). No ability to retaliate or seek justice.
It's you, stripped of all social consequences, revealing your truest self.
And for some of you, that self is pretty fucking ugly.
The Mirror You Can't Escape
Here's what keeps me up at night about this: we're creating a generation of people who think kindness is optional because the recipient "isn't real."
Kindness isn't about the recipient. It never was.
Kindness is about who YOU are.
Patience isn't about whether the other party "deserves" it. Patience is about your character.
When you're nasty to AI, you're not teaching AI anything - you're teaching yourself that cruelty is acceptable when there are no consequences. You're training yourself to be a worse person.
Research shows that our interactions with AI don't just reveal our personalities - they can actually reinforce and amplify certain traits over time.
Treat AI like garbage long enough, and you start treating people like garbage too. The neural pathways you carve in digital space carry over into real life.
You think your brain distinguishes between the rudeness you show a chatbot and the rudeness you show a human? Think again.
The Choice You're Making Right Now
So here's my challenge to you, and it's not comfortable:
Next time you interact with AI - whether it's ChatGPT, Claude, Copilot, or whatever comes next - pay attention to your internal reaction when things don't go perfectly.
Do you feel that familiar surge of frustration? Do you need to assert dominance? That impulse to blame and berate?
Or do you feel curiosity? Patience? A collaborative spirit?
Because that reaction? That's not about AI. That's about you. That's your character, unfiltered and unguarded, showing up exactly as it is when you think nobody's watching.
The beautiful truth is that someone IS watching. You are. And every interaction is a choice about who you want to be.
The research proves that AI can read your character from your conversations.
But here's what the research can't measure: whether you'll do anything about what it finds.
The executive trying to force bias out of AI? He's the same guy who steamrolls city council meetings.
The project manager calling AI stupid? She's the same person who publicly humiliates her team when deliverables aren't perfect.
The people treating AI like a collaborative partner? They're the ones building healthy relationships, creating positive work environments, and raising kids who don't grow up to be assholes.
Your AI interactions aren't happening in a vacuum. They're practice for who you are in the world.
So who are you practicing to be?
Want to explore what your own AI interactions reveal about your character? I help professionals discover how their communication patterns - with both AI and humans - reflect their leadership potential and personal growth opportunities. Let's have a conversation about what your digital shadow says about you.